Warning: Long and Tell A Lot Post Ahead

This post is one that I have been avoiding writing for a while. It's a long story as to why I didn't want to share it right away, but I'm too tired and private lately to share them. But I'll tell you the news anyway.

So, we put our house on the market. Now right away, I want to assure you that we are not in financial trouble or anything like that. I figured that people would guess that straight away since we have not been in this house for very long, but that is not the reason. We have lots of reasons and I'll try to explain them.

First of all, we put the house on the market because we want to relocate back East. This is not only because most of my family is out there, but also because it is something John and I have wanted to do ever since we got married. The thing is that we had always planned on trying to do it once John reached a certain number of years at his current job. After those number of years he is considered a mid to senior level programmer. At that point it is more likely that people will pay to relocate him, and he should get a bit more pay-wise.

Well we were patiently waiting for that magic number. Well honestly, we didn't think about it that much. We had just bought our house and were feeling pretty content. We had our lives planned out for the next few years we thought. We bought indemnity insurance (you know, the kind they call maternity insurance) and put money into our FSA to prepare for the baby we wanted to welcome into our family this year. But as you know, that didn't go according to plan. After the miscarriage, among other feelings, I felt moorless. I felt that the plan that I had been making was kind of a joke. The phrase, "the best laid plans of mice and men" went through my head a lot. Nothing seemed permanent. Nothing seemed concrete. It was a very sad thing to realize.

And then, one day when I was feeling a bit sad about this loss of security--that things would generally go according to the way you tried to plan, I had a thought come to my mind very distinctly and clearly. The thought was, You need to move. I can't tell you how completely shocked I was by the thought. It came out of nowhere, and I fought against it immediately. I was just starting to get my house to a point where it was actually enjoyable to live in it. I thought about our big plans. But then I realized many of those plans had changed already.

So bit by bit, I gave the idea a chance to grow. I thought about it a little at a time. I would think about it, freak out, and then stop thinking about it. And then do it again. I think that's how growth works.

So eventually I was convinced we should give it a try. So I got up the nerve and talked to John about it. He was pretty shocked. But he listened. He said he would put his resume together just to have it together. I think he was just trying to appease me because I have been an emotional wreck lately. I think he was just glad to see a sane look on my face, even if what I was saying didn't match. :)

And then while putting his resume together, we realized that we had never counted the fact that he had a programming job during his last year of school--even thought it was a real programming job. And then realized that we had gone over our years limit if we counted that job. It was kind of shocking to figure out. And thrilling. It was the first sign that maybe this wasn't a completely idiotic and stupid idea to be harboring.

So we have been applying to lots of jobs. During the worst recession in recent memory. We put our house on the market during the worst market in years. And while I still occasionally freak about the stupidity that could be this decision, I also feel a calmness about it. I feel that in my heart it is the right decision for us. I know other people must think we are dumb. I can see why they think that. Sometimes I think we are stupid too. Sometimes I think no one should trust me to make big decisions after such a traumatic time in my life. I would agree with you. But I'm not the only one making this decision. And I really feel in my heart that John isn't the only other person on my side. I feel strongly that this wasn't even my idea.

So now you know. The sign has been out in the yard for about a week. We have shown it three times already. I am hoping that is a good sign. John has heard back from a few people in the job sector. He is mostly getting a ton of interest in Utah, which makes me laugh. But we are trying to be patient. Our top choice states are: North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and possibly Virginia. I personally wouldn't mind Pennsylvania, but there don't seem to be that many tech jobs there.

If you know of some jobs in those areas for a fabulous computer programmer, be sure to let me know. We're all about the networking. But otherwise, we are just going to have faith that this is going to work out. It's stressful to have a house on the market again less than a year since the last time we did it, but I'm keeping my eyes on the goal.

And one last thought that has been prancing around my head lately. When I start to think this whole thing is a stupid idea, I have begun to think that sometimes the only difference between stupidity and bravery/genius is the outcome. We're hoping for the genius outcome on this one.