The Post I Waited To Post (warning long post)

Okay, so these past few weeks (okay maybe months) have gone by in a whirlwind. One of my friends said on facebook, something to the effect of, "wow, is it just me or did this whole thing happen really fast?" I had to laugh. It did happen fast. And yet it seems like it has been in the works for a while.

I've been saying for a while that I would write about why I felt like we needed to move. I never got around to it (and openly avoided it) because I wanted to make sure things were going to work out. I'm kind superstitious or something because I was afraid to jinx myself. Also, I didn't want to go on and on about how this whole moving thing was some fabulous idea only to have it go horribly wrong. Call me crazy.

But now we are in South Carolina. We are living in an apartment that Amazon has graciously supplied for us for the next month and a half. Our stuff was packed up and shipped for us, along with our van. We have a rental car outside, and our little family is nestled into our new living arrangements. We went swimming all together today. I went to Walmart and bought soap and garbage bags and food. We took long naps, watched mindless cable (because we had basic t.v. channels in Utah, so it's a treat to watch TLC and shows like The History of Weapons). We unpacked, and we called moms, and we kept looking at each other as if to say, Are we really here? Did we really make it? Is this really happening? And then grinning like we got away with something.

The long story short is that life was pretty hard a few months ago. Lots of mitigating circumstances. Some of them you know about--the miscarriage being a huge one. It threw me into a tailspin. A big one. I hear it does that to most people. But I wasn't ready for it at all. I don't know how you can be really. I think I have mentioned previously how the miscarriage all of the sudden changed my perspective about everything in my life. It was like changing lenses on a camera. Everything was in different focus and different color. I realized that NOTHING is permanent. There are no assurances that life will turn out the way that you are planning. Also, that meant that there is nothing keeping you in a position of unhappiness except for yourself (in some cases, not all obviously). But this caused me to consider my life. I loved our house, I had good friends, things were pretty good. But I felt somewhere deep down that things were not right. They were not the way they were supposed to be. I couldn't figure it out for the longest time. When the miscarriage happened, it felt even deeper.

Then one day, I was sitting somewhere, doing something, when I very literally felt a voice come into my head that said simply, and without fanfare, "You need to move."

That's all it said. Some people would call that crazy. I know I did at first. I ignored it and laughed about how crazy of an idea it was. Move? When we had just bought our house a year ago and the market is terrible to sell in? When the economy was in the pits and it is a blessing to even have a stable job?

And then after laughing I got REALLY scared. I got scared because I knew it was the right answer. I freaked out. I didn't want to move. I felt comfortable. Unhappy deep down, but comfortable. I fought it for a long time. So then I knew the best way to get rid of the idea. I thought I would mention it to John who I was sure would shoot it right down.

But you know how this story ends right? He didn't freak out. He listened. He agreed to put the house on the market just to "see what would happen." He agreed to look for jobs "just to see what was possible." Several weeks later the house was under contract. Several weeks after that he was flying out for job interviews. A day after that he had a job offer. And here we are, in a temporary apartment, cutting up fresh pineapple like we're tropical old-timers.

All I want to say is that sometimes things look amazing and easy and great from the outside. Sometimes it looks like things just magically fall into place. And while I will agree that that has most definitely happened to a degree, I would like to also point out the fact that we had to get ourselves onto that track before the race could begin. And it was beyond terrifying. And the trip to get out here yesterday? Horrible. :) Seriously it was.

But today, as I back floated in the pool and looked up to see a blue sky, and green trees all around, I felt peace. I know the struggle is not over. I know this is a bit of a honeymoon period with this new place and adventure. But I felt peace in that deep part of me that I haven't felt for a while. I couldn't stop myself from grinning today. The journey has been hard. But I am grinning like a crazy person.

So maybe it's sappy. But this is to my one or two friends out there that might be right in the middle of feeling something along these lines. I don't know who you are. But I want you to know that God is aware of you and what you are going through. The hard things you are passing through? They really are hard. They really are scary. There is no doubt about it at all. But I am here at the other side to tell you that they WILL work out. You will feel that peace again. Just listen. You'll hear it. It may take a while, but it will come.

Goodnight. :)